Sports is a substitute for war, in a way, which is much better for the world than the real thing. Back when I wasn't so creaky, I played sports all the time. In high school I played football, where you get to hit other people and play in front of large crowds. In college I rowed on the crew team, where you inflict all the pain on yourself, and you do it in obscurity.

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Gold Medal Dreams

Well, I finally had a dream where I wasn’t caught using a toilet right in the middle of the Mall of America. I was at the Summer Olympics in South Africa (“South Africa never hosted an Olympics,” you say? Well, those kinds of things don’t stop my dreams.) Somehow, I…
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Young Again

I had a dream the other night. I was back in high school, and we traveled to a rival team's field for a football game. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I think I was excited to be young again. However, my eagerness to get on the field deflated…
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I Had a Dream

Yesterday, a friend had shared a video of a ridiculous crew race, something so chaotic I couldn’t help but cry while leaving my lungs almost totally devoid of air. ‘How could people screw something up that bad?’ I thought. I was still chuckling about it last night while I was…